Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Go Joe?

Now my friends and I have been viewing "G.I. JOE: The Rise Of Cobra" as a train wreck waiting for you to buy a ticket...

Could we be wrong?

"The best action movie of the summer? Now you know!

First off, if you liked the cartoon, this is the live action version of the cartoon. I had all the figures, the vehicles, the aircraft carrier, everything when I was a kid growing up. This movie is exactly how I imagined it would be when I was playing with these figures. Kids are going to love this flick. Why the hell couldn't this have been made when I was 9 years old? I'm so jealous of you little bastards who get to see this through the eyes of a child. You are going to love it"

- George 'El Guapo' Roush, Latino Review

"GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra manages to almost perfectly replicate the experience you had as a pre-teen playing with your action figures in the back yard. Like a kid banging his toys together and blowing them up with firecrackers, Sommers has made a movie that's just a series of action set pieces strung together with a minimal amount of exposition, stopping only to catch his breath and to move the story along far enough to get to the next action set piece. And damn if it doesn't work."

- Devin Faraci, CHUD


"But the fact is, this is an entertaining popcorn flick that knows exactly how to shake things up.

G.I. Joe may not be a great movie, but it sure is a hoot and a half, just make sure to find that inner child in you that still likes to play pretend."

- Jimmy O, JoBlo


"Though likely to divide critics, “G.I. Joe” could become the coolest event of late summer movie-going, with strong prospects of becoming another bonanza franchise for Paramount."

- Emanuel Levy

"Well, I've seen G.I. JOE and I'll tell anyone that works for the studio that hiding this film is a whopper of a mistake that I hope isn't too late to correct.

This is not going to be a glowing review of a flawless film. What this will be is a very good review of a movie that most critics will shit all over upon release because they didn't get to see it early, and most audiences will devour with both hands."

Capone, Ain't It Cool News

"Finally, after a yawn inducing summer, we get a big-budget popcorn flick worthy of escapist fun. "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" has been vastly underestimated. The film is action packed, moves like a breeze, and has the guts to be a little daring.

G.I. Joe is the fun ride that Transformers should have been. The summer ends on a high note. Not to be missed in the theater."

- Movie Web


"The movie is pure escapist fun and this summer’s best action film.

There is so much about this movie that is so damn cool.

But overall, it’s Stephen Sommer’s best film and work to date. Tonally, the film captures what G.I. JOE is all about and at times like it’s like the Marvel panels came to life.

I’m going to see this film at least another two times and I highly recommend that you check it out too.

I had a blast folks…"

- El Mayimbe, Latino Review

"Gi Joe is pure escapist nonsense - and all the better for it. Loud, visually impressive and great fun... I liked it a whole lot more than the Transformers sequel."

- Mark Adams, Mirror UK


"But ya know what? It IS a G.I. JOE movie and it was pretty damn cool! What makes it cool is that these are still men and women operating amazing technology that WE created ( moderately fictitiously) and that isn’t GIVEN by Aliens, Future Beings, etc. That’s what makes it cool, that and the notion that we work with a Global coalition of cool folks that are capable of crazy awesome with this stuff."

- Harry Knowles, Ain't It Cool News


"And in spite of many misgivings, including ropey CGI, convoluted storytelling and a smattering of horribly over-the-top performances, G.I. Joe is a blast from start-to-finish.

It's the opposite of cerebral moviemaking, but if you're prepared to check your brain at the door, then G.I. Joe is summer blockbusting of the most entertaining kind.

It also set things up perfectly for a sequel, and on this evidence, IGN would be more than happy to spend another couple of hours in the company of the Joes."

- Chris Tilly, IGN UK


"To say that I'm ready for a teched-up, nostalgia-trip live-action adaptation would be an understatement. Remarkably, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra succeeds on exactly that level: as a high-powered, good-versus-bad adventure that offers no subtlety or substance, Stephen Sommers' film captures the silly energy that made the series such a childhood favorite and finds a way to fulfill the expectations of fanboys from 13 to 30 (okay, 33) in the process."

- Todd Gilchrist, SciFi Wire


"It is with much surprise that one can report that director Stephen Sommers has more than redeemed himself after Van Helsing with this fun-filled, adrenalin charged action film whose sole purpose is to entertain its core male demographic audience with some superbly orchestrated action scenes, stylishly and energetically crafted in a taut, entertaining cinematic package.

With its often subtle tongue-in-cheek humor, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is pure escapist fun, put together in an exhilarating way whose simple message is: Have fun and do not take this seriously. It’s adrenalin charged, exciting and entertaining way to spend two hours in a movie theatre, and gthis could easily emerge as the biggest surprise and sleeper hit of the summer."

- Paul Fischer, Dark Horizons

"I usually don't review much here on AICN; there are plenty of people around who review regularly and I don't wish to be redundant.

This said, I'm unable to keep my mouth shut about G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA - primarily because I've spent the last year and a half kicking the film, knocking Stephen Sommers (whose VAN HELSING I still regard as one of the most overwrought, self-indulgent pieces of pap to hit screens in many years), and negatively prejudging the capabilities of nearly everyone involved with this project.

I was wrong. I'm here to say it, and I'm happy to admit it. I was wrong.

G.I. JOE is big, OTT, intellectually challenged, and idiotic as they come - which could certainly describe nearly ever other Stephen Sommers film to date. But it's also a helluva lot more fun than they are, and here's why..."

- Merrick, Ain't It Cool News

"Despite the brou-ha-ha that has been talked about for months and currently about the state of the film, ‘G.I Joe: Rise of the Cobra’ is a pure adrenaline fantasy and fun ride. With its non-stop action and explosive scenes, Stephen Sommers has brought back some of the elements that made his first film, ‘The Mummy,’ a big hit. Fans of the Hasbro toys and the cartoon series will get a hoot at seeing their favorite characters on the big screen, specifically the battle between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. That alone is worth the price of admission. This is totally a first-rate entertainment to end the summer."

- Wilson Morales,


"Well, it's time to let Sommers out of director jail, folks, because his latest film "G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra" is big, ridiculous, and way more fun than I would have thought possible. It is a summer movie, through and through, pure pulp preposterousness, and it is one of the most successful little-boy adventure movies I've seen in a long time"

- Drew McWeeny, HitFlix

"Video game and comic book sensibilities to the fore, G.I. Joe is cool. The word is used a couple of times, but it's way cooler than that implies. Youngsters (anyone up to about 24) will whisper 'cool' with jaws dropped every 85 seconds or so, as the gizmos, gadgets, weapons and other toys of the future flash before their eyes. The effects are riveting, from the big bangs to the smaller trinkets, like miniature mechanical bugs that eat anything. That's the new weapon of the future, and it's made by MARS Corp, which sells arms to all sides; it also sells defensive gear, just to make sure the whole market is covered. Obviously, weapons manufacturers take the brunt of the odium in this film"

- Andrew L. Urban, Urban Cinefile

And there are even a few more reviews out there, but I think you get the gist of it. Even over at Rotten Tomatoes the rating for this film is a strikingly high 91%. Whoa. I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong. Come Friday, I'll find out if I'm a man or a mouse.

Coming Soon...


Conrad Hauser said...


Anonymous said...

Harry Knowles is a f'n mook on the take and so are all of his cronies at It Ain't Cool.

Geekhunter 1388 said...

Yeah, everyone who liked this film is on the take.

Get real, people. Perhaps, Sommers has finally made a movie to redeem himself for the crap that was Van Helsing. I'm willing to give it a look. I was thinking it was going to be crap like Honor, but with all these reviews from different sources, I'll at least go see it before I declare it dodo.

Zartan said...

These reviews are PLANTS. The studio has been sending out cease and desist notices to sites that have posted negative reviews. Paramount is doing heavy damage control because they know Joe is a disaster and knowing is half the battle.

Anonymous said...

My Duke looks like a poster boy for Aryan brawn, not some metrosexual wearing Robocop's suit.

Rebel Allen C. said...

Give it up Zartan, you are full of BS. What proof do you have that the studio is doing this? Some fanboys on a blog? Maybe it's the same ones that said Sommers was locked out of the editing room and was fired. Which turned out to be bogus. I don't believe all these reviews are plants just because you have a bias against the director. I happen to personally know a couple of these guys and know that they aren't plants. As a matter of fact, look at what some of them were saying about Joe before they saw it. Many thought it was going to be a disaster UNTIL they saw it. When it comes out Friday you'll be able to tell if they were lying or not, but until then please quit lying about it yourself with the rumors you're trying to pass off as truth.

Fett101 said...

I wouldn't be surprised if they selectively chose critics.

We'll find out Friday.

Josh said...

As a lifelong GI Joe fan, I've been hoping for the best and expecting the worst of this movie. I was going to see it, regardless - out of loyalty to my childhood memories, if nothing else - and now my worries are somewhat allayed.

Snake Eyes said...


PixarFanatic said...

I've never been a G.I. Joe fan, but this movie looks terrific--I'll watch just about anything action/adventure with lots of action chases, fights, explosions--that's what makes a good movie, to me.

OK, Pixar isn't really doing that, even though I absolutely LOVE their films. I was taking out animated movies.

Honor Hunter said...

I think the trailers are horrible, but I'm willing to look past that given all the positive reviews...

General Hawk said...

Any REAL Joe fan worth his salt knows that they have completely misinterpreted Larry Hamma's inspired characterizations. Cobra Commander is an abomination. And since when do the Joes wear anti-gravity bionic super suits? This isn't G.I. Joe. This is a video game on steroids for the ADD crowd. I wanted to see a film that took Hasbro's 80's action figures to the big screen and instead I get HALO. I'll be avoiding this train wreck and watching the G.I. Joe Resolute, the REAL G.I. Joe movie instead.

Cobra Commander said...


General Confusion said...

He's not Cobra Commander in the film, General Hawk. If you were to be open minded enough to go see it you would know this. He's a character known as The Doctor. Go see and then condemn it. Look at all the people that were ragging against it that saw it and changed their minds.

You sound like one of those people that are stuck in the 80's, where nothing can change or deviate from the past or it will "rape your childhood." Puhlezz. I bet you hate the new tron because it isn't going to be set in the 1980's or have Wendy whatserfaces music in it.

Open your mind and see it before you doom it to the dustbin of crap. If you don't like it then, then fine. And please don't be one of these people that lock yourself in your room, never to venture out into a world that has passed you by. And have the guts to go see it and not pirate it like so many lame 80's dorks! I can read you guys from a mile away.

Gung Ho said...

G.I. Joe is gonna blow

Anonymous said...

"He's not Cobra Commander in the film, General Hawk. If you were to be open minded enough to go see it you would know this. He's a character known as The Doctor. Go see and then condemn it."

Maybe you should open your mind and you'd know that he's The Doctor until he alters himself with venom and becomes CC.

Bulletridden Bedhead said...

Well then, when he becomes Cobra Commander in the next film we can complain about his outfit. IF he doesn't have the hood.


Shipwreck said...

I find it hypocritical that said critics trashed Transformers for being mindless popcorn entertainment yet they praise GI Joe for the exact same reasons.

Anonymous said...

Apparently there's a plot to this one, mindless or not. And is doesn't go on for a half-hour too long substituting an ending for explosions.

James McCullen said...

The only plot is the one by Paramount to dupe you sukaz into buying tickets to the pathetic excuse for a blockbuster film.

King Louie said...

Yeah, that's right. All these people that seen it are wrong, but you who hasn't seen it is right.


Major Blood said...

The only Joe fans who would actually like this film were the ones who collected Sigma 6 which is obviously the target they are aiming for.

Honor Hunter said...

Major, you are SUCH a geek! Hehe...

Tom said...

Grrr. I was actually hoping this would fail. I've always hated G.I. Joe with a passion.

COBRA!!! hah

PixarFanatic said...


I think the reason is that, if you didn't see the old Transformers TV show, you wouldn't understand Transformers 2. That alone, apparently, makes critics ditch it. Too bad. It's a great movie...

Fett101 said...


They trashed ROTF because it's a terrible movie. It fails as an action movie because what little action there is was painful to watch. The plot was barely there and there was just lazy and bad writing throughout. The first one has 57% on Rotten Tomatoes, while the second has 20%. These hypocrites certainly didn't blast the first one because it was entertaining. The second wasn't.

PixarFanatic said...

Fett 101:

Have you gone #*%@*U crazy?!

Perhaps you didn't see the old TV show. Maybe then you would like it better.

OK, I guess it wasn't better then the first, but it is still a great movie.

Anonymous said...

Now that the general public has seen this colossal train wreck the negative reviews are pouring in such as:

"It is so bad it makes even the worst of George Lucas' second round of Star Wars movies look good."

Not a surprise.

Anonymous said...

It's at 55% on Rotten Tomatoes and falling. LOL.

Fett101 said...


Watching the TV show and/or reading the book should not be required for someone to enjoy a movie. Does watching the TV show somehow help make the movie's plot not be a mish mash of ideas which are all used and then quickly forgotten?

PixarFanatic said...


Then kindly tell me why G-Force got trashed in the same way!

And kindly tell me as well, why both have been box office successes (especially Transformers 2)!

Anonymous #5: The first two newer Star Wars movies were OK, and the third was like THE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN.

I don't understand why people just trash Transformers 2 and G-Force, both of which are really wonderful films.

Fett101 said...

I haven't seen, nor intend to see G-Force. Most the reviews say it has no actual plot and is simply set piece after set piece, tied together with kite string and unfunny comedy.

Money != a good film.

Spiderman 3, a film which most people would say was terrible, has made $8 million more then ROTF.

PixarFanatic said...

No, Spider-Man 3 was great. But you wouldn't understand why.

So? G-Force may not have an actual plot, but can't you enjoy the humor? If you can't, you are el loco--really crazy.

I've seen many Dreamworks films, and have like gone "CHOKE ARGH" at the plots, but laughed so hard it hurt with the humor. Now THAT'S funny.

Oh, and one more thing... if money equals a good movie, then why was the two Pirates films trashed, and why is Titanic (in my mind) such a horrible movie, and WHY is Transformers 2 so high up there?

Let's see if all that smokes ya, Fett101.

Fett101 said...

I didn't say Spiderman 3 wasn't good. I said many people thought it wasn't.

I used the != operator comparing money to a good film. != means "not equal too"

PixarFanatic said...

Good, cause Spider-Man 3 IS good. I never really cared for the first. But I LOVED the second, and the third was even better.

Hugh Hogwarts said...

PixarFinatic, it is not great, it's mediocre at best. I think the fact that you wanted to see these characters in a film has blinded your taste, if you ever had taste. Venom was forced on Raimi the original story with the Vulture which was awesome suffered greatly. That's one of the reasons he's coming back. There are others, but I'm not going to write an article. Think of SM 4 as an apology for 3. Now with the buttwipe producer of it gone, there's a good chance it'll be what 3 should have been.

Honor Hunter said...

Maybe I'll ask Raimi when I'm on the Sony Lot next week...

PixarFanatic said...

Hugh Hogwarts:

OK, well, let me try to explain WHY I love it...

Forget it. It's just something I can't say on Blogger--since there's probably not that many people who are in the same row as me...

Spider-Man 3 is a great movie, I'll say it one more time. However, not knowing much about 4, I can't really tell if it'll be better. I still intend to be there opening weekend, however...